You know you have a newborn if....
You've suddenly developed a "toilet flushing" phobia. What this means is that you used to flush your toilet freely - whenever the process was warranted and without a care in the world. Now, suddenly, you fear that even the subtle flush of your toilet may wake your sleeping little nugget ..and you'll be damned if you lose any more sleep. You take the risk- the risk that you may forget to flush the toilet later on, and that someone else just may see your un-flushed toilet. Is it worth the risk? Yes, yes it is....
You've already damned your dogs for waking up your sleeping newborn last week with their barking, and you'll be damned yourself if you become the one responsible for waking your sleeping baby, because waking up your sleeping child is, effectively, the same as eliminating your very brief opportunity to nap, shower, or change your underwear.
Did this happen to me? Yes. Many things changed once a newborn baby came into my life. Did I knowingly walk into a WalMart store, wearing my bath robe? Yes. (See You Know You Have a Newborn When - Your Robe). I also developed a complicated relationship with my electric breast pump, and I swear the damn thing started talking to me (See My Breast Pump Talks To Me!).
What weird things did your sleep-deprived self do when you had a newborn?
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